love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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