God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
