girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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