Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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