Plan B is the new Plan A
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I AM VODKA MAN
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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