i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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