I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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