I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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