Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
