Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
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She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
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Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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