Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
