I accidentally burped into my bong.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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