I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
