I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You don't make any sense
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