I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize