I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
and you fell through a lawn chair
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
