what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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