Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
