dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You can't motorboat a personality
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
