Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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