We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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