If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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