Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
