He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
