You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
