he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
