Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So much Jack, so little girl.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
