You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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