dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
