It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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