i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
