all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
