I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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