I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
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Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
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I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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