i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
