I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
