i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
