oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
