I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize