He kissed a someone with a penis
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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