He kissed a someone with a penis
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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