i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Farmville is her only friend.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
