I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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