OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
