I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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