Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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