we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
