Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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