After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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