my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
