dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Say something about gay babies.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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