I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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