i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
