Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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