This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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