fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
