if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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