We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
