when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
