Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
