oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
