I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
