what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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