The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
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I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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