My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Randomize
