This girl is more easily done than said...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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