They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
