There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
