if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
