I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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