why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You were trust falling into bushes
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
