i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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