once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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